


Stumbling On Reason (Degrassi Got It Wrong)

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Homophobia, Incest, M/M, Other, Pining, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:25:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili have been living in the world of men for over a month, and time comes for them to go to school. Being dwarfs, this offers more problems than they could think of. But one that the brothers had never anticipated was Kili's own internalized hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, high school AU. So many headcanons, so little time. Not complete, obviously. And "Degrassi Got It Wrong" may become the title. I'll see.

Fili woke just as the sun rose on his forty ninth day away from Ered Luin and immediately tried to fall back asleep. While sleeping, he could pretend that his family was still at home, surrounded by the company they had kept all his life and the familiar lands he could recreate from memory. But all that vanished as soon as his eyes opened. His family was farther away from home than they'd ever been, and much farther than Fili had ever wanted to go. He knows he complained about life at home, but even the worst day surrounded by kin and everything he loved was at least ten times more tolerable than any day in the world of men. And all of that seemed so much clearer today, because something loomed over Fili and his brother that could not be put off any longer: today, they would be going to school.  


Fili pulled his pillow out from under him and wrapped it around his head just in time to shield himself from Kili's idea of a gentle good morning. 

"Kili, oh Mahal, Kili go away, it's still night at Ered Luin, go back to bed...." Kili laughed and bounced off his brother's bed.  


"It's also still summer. Come on, mother is waiting." Fili groaned, stretching his legs over the edge of his bed and followed his brother out of their room.  


  


"I am forty eight years old. mother," Kili grumbled to his feet as he slumped in the stool in front of her. "I don't need you to fix my hair." Dis just smiled and ran her comb through her younger son's hair, unknotting the tangles from the night's tossing and turning.  


"If you took less care of it, brother, we'd be clearing bird's nests out of it, and only when you were too drunk to notice." Fili smiled at his own quip, watching as his brother pouted more viciously with every stroke of the comb. "And you're sixteen, Ki. Try to remember that," their mother said, offering consolation only to herself. "And Fili, you know-"

"I know, I'm almost eighteen. And we're from Europe. Which explains Ki's boots," he sniggered, pointing a finger near his brother's feet.  


"What's wrong with my boots?" Kili looked startled, eyebrows furrowed as he rose from the stool.  


"Nothing, brother. You'll fit in perfectly with the rest of the girls."  


"So will you, keeping your hair braided."  


And before Dis could scold her sons for not respecting their culture or heritage they were out the door, waving good-bye as they left. She hoped that their first day would pass without incident. But Dis laughed to herself, for she knew her sons, and just hoped for the best.  


They had been to Upper Earth before, but never for this long, and never without Thorin. Even Kili, who had remained annoyingly excited throughout their journey, had grown tired of their new life and wished for nothing more than to return home. But as the brothers walked to the high school, snow crunching under their heels, all wishes for home were put aside for the other's sake. Fili knew Kili knew him better than himself, and if he showed any resentment Kili would latch on. He would not have his baby brother's mood spoiled by his pessimism.  


  


"Okay, let's go around and say our names, you start. You're all sophomores, right?" A couple sheepish looking kids in the back raised their hands warily. "Oh right," the teacher looked down at the mass of papers in front of her, chose one and jot down three names. "You're juniors, no seniors, right? Okay, let's go."  


Kili looked around at the class, all gazing at him expectantly. He saw a couple of girls lean in to whisper to each other, laugh, and return to their places.  


"Hello, my name is Killian," Kili said uneasily, trying to not trip over his new humanized name. He sighed in relief when then boy next to him immediately stated his own name and the chain continued around the room. All of these people had longer names than he would care to know, and he began shortening all of them in his mind. If he was going to have to actually refer to these people, it would be on his terms.

Once the teacher started to talk about what they would be doing during the year and what was expected in class, Kili heard the person to his right lean in and whisper towards him.  


"So, this your first year here? Killian, right?"  


Kili nodded, quickly surveying the girl who had asked. She was pretty by human standards, large eyes and smooth skin, but with big hands and a short torso, body compact and stocky. He liked her instantly, and felt a pang of relief. Maybe he would get along fine.  


"Nice shoes."  


_Shit._  


The girl laughed softly, and it sounded like a pup's cries, perfectly tuned to grab interest. Kili looked on her with interest and smiled. It was like watching an animal perform tricks for treats. He would have to keep that to himself, though, he thought. Perhaps it wasn't too flattering.  


"So, d'you know anyone here yet?" Her words shook Kili out of his thoughts.  


"No, just my brother. He's a senior."  


"I'll show you around," she smiled widely, then quickly narrowed her lips into a thin line. "I'm Kylie. But you know that, we, like, just said our names."  


Kili had actually forgotten her name, and was trying to come up with a way to ask that didn't make it sound like he did not care the first time around. There were over twenty names to learn and put with faces just in this room.  


The bell rang, and Kili's heart started to race at the metallic sound. He would never complain about how abrasive Fili's snoring was; compared to the drone that dismissed them, his brother's breathing sounded like beautiful song.  


"Wha'ju got next? I'll walk you there." Kili looked at Kylie- _Ky, but don't call her that, at least not yet_ \- and left the room, wondering what was so wrong with high school that so many television programs were dedicated to its faults. Degrassi was definitely wrong.  


  


  


"Are you sure you want to leave them in? It won't take very long, and we can redo them later." Kili leaned against the door frame, staring down his brother's reflection on the wall's mirror.  


"I mean," Kili continued, trying to catch his brother's vision, "It's not like we've forgotten how to braid." 

Fili straightened the shoulders of his shirt, lining them up with the sharp angles of his torso.  


"No." Fili turned away from the mirror to look his brother in his eyes. "You can try and... Become like this, be a human, but I can't pretend, I can't..." He looked down at his brother, who looked like just another kid, jeans and blue hoodie. "Just let me keep this. One thing".  


Kili clapped his brother on the shoulder and they left towards their room. "Your hair looks nicer than most of the girls' anyways," Kili confided, a smile cracking his sincere tone.  


"I've always been the prettier one." Fili pulled his sweatshirt over his shoulders, careful not to muss his hair. "Come on, wouldn't want to be late, would we?"  


Kili cursed lightheartedly at his brother, picked up his bag, and tucked his feet into sneakers.  


  


Kili was sitting on his bed, back to the wall as he wrote in a leather bound notebook he got as a parting gift the day they left Ered Luin. Fili closed the door to their room behind him, dropping his backpack on the desk and falling next to his brother, sighing about today's travesty. Kili closed the book and tried to tuck it under his pillow, but Fili grabbed his arm and got a hold on it. Not to say the younger brother went down without a fight; but Kili knew his brother, and if he defended his honor over the book to the end, Fili would definitely get him back later.  


Kili ignored the color rising in his cheeks as Fili opened the book and scanned the ink-stained pages, a taunting smile growing on his cheeks.  


"Did you write this, Ki? This... This is poetry. My baby brother writes poems," he cooed mockingly, and reached forward to stroke his brother's hair, then moved it out of reach right as Kili's hand snapped forward, ready to twist his brother's arm. Or rip his fingers off. Whichever came first.  


Fili stood up, tossed the book onto the bed, and started moving towards the desk.  


"I'm going to the library. Want to come?"  


Kili absolutely did not want to be alone with Fili right now. But he really did need a book on the history of the U.S.- apparently he was expected to know that stuff already- and going alone was even worse than going with his brother, no matter how childish Fili might act.  


"Yeah. Are you ready to leave now?"  


"I'll wait. Get me when you're done and we'll go."  


Fili left the room, the door staying open. Kili opened his journal to the page Fili had read, trying to guess what meaning his brother had derived from his words. He sent a prayer, short and eternally grateful, that this was the page Fili saw.  


It was generic prose, not quite organized enough to actually be poetry. It described the hair of a (hypothetical) lover, but the tone changed on the next page. Kili imagined his brother's eyes gleaming over the lines, taking in the words as a cloud settled over his gaze. He shuddered and closed the book, tucking it under a corner of his mattress.  


His own words flashed before his eyes, and Kili clenched his fists, trying to slow his breath as his heart beat in his ears.  


 _Fili does not know, and he won't ever know,_ Kili reassured himself, pushing all other thoughts to the side. If he even allowed himself to think about how Fili would react, finally knowing his baby brother's thoughts about himself, Kili would not be able to be near him for fear of anything Fili might say. Or even worse, what his ties to family would keep him from saying.  


But Kili had practice making himself forget these thoughts, so he pushed his feet into his boots, shrugged his coat on, and went to meet his brother.  


They didn't mention Kili's writing, save for when Fili had pushed his brother towards the poetry isles with a smirk that disappeared with a punch to his gut. They found the books they needed, laughing over the fantasy section, and headed back home.  


The walk was quiet, snow skritching under their feet and cars roaring by. That was one thing his brother would never get used to, Kili was sure of it. Whenever one passed by too fast or too close, Fili tensed, and some irrational part of him wanted to grab his dagger and run at it. He had enough sense not to, praise Mahal, but he was still uneasy.  


"So, Fi," Kili started, a grin creeping up the corners of his mouth, "When will you be getting your driver's license?"  


"When your beard starts to grow."  


Kili laughed at his brother, and he knew they were going to be okay.  


  


Maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers Durin make their way at school, but it's hard.

"What _is_ this?"

Kili started at the sheet music in front of them.

"I don't know," Fili hissed back, "Just..."

The orchestra teacher signaled to the first violins, who starting tuning. Being the new students, Kili and Fili were put last stand, second violin, but neither of them minded. They seldom played their fiddles before moving, and only joined the school's music program to fill a block in their schedules.

The sheet music might as well have been written in ancient Westron.

The instructor introduced the brothers to the class quickly, then welcomed the students to the orchestra. Kili and Fili heard none of his words, furiously flipping through the repertoire with panicked expressions.

When the conductor lifted his baton and everyone else started playing, the brothers Durin looked at each other affirmatively, then started to follow the group and play by ear.

It was a simple piece, so to make it more enjoyable, Kili started embellishing the phrases, digressing from the tune. It was more beautiful than anything written on the pages in front of them, but the students around all faltered in their playing and turned to look at him.

The conductor waved everyone to a stop, marking his score quickly.

"Great, great, whoever was improvising, just..... Just don't do that. Okay, go back to measure 21, let's fix this....."

Fili smiled at his brother, blushing under his blonde beard, and he tried desperately to ignore the swell in his chest as Kili ducked his head so sheepishly and looked out underneath his bangs. He was a sight to behold.

But he was not Fili's to hold, as he reminded himself quite often.

  


"Kili?"

Fili tried to look busy, shuffling papers down in front of him in an effort to not look at his brother, who could read the slightest twitch on his face and know his motives.

"What's... a faggot?"

Kili looked up from the penknife he had been using to carve into his Bio binder. His face scrunched lightly as he thought.

"A bundle of sticks? ...Or a gay."

Fili stared at the wall in front of his eyes, shoulders heavy under the critical eye of his brother.

"Why?"

"I heard it around, you know, just..." Fili trailed off, knowing it was a weak excuse, knowing Kili had heard it too. _Euro fag. Tranny fag. Braided fag._ Fili received the brunt of the names, his brother getting more of the positive attention, male and female.

The room filled with an uneasy silence, broken when Kili slid off his bed and came to rest a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"I am always here."

Fili nodded, his head tipped down, wondering how people he had known for not a fortnight knew something about him it had taken himself years to figure out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, I just felt guilty I hadn't updated in so long but didn't have the ending ready. Hope you liked, update soon!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Why do I picture this in Trenton, NJ? I don't even know where that is, what the hell. But anyways. This all started when I imagined Kili being handed The Catcher In The Rye and him staring at it with his best bitchface.


End file.
